Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
