hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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