PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
