things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
