Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
