these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
