Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
