I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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