Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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