I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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