honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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