i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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