she was so not down for the gang bang
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
