Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
