when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
