his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
