It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
