this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
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I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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