some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
