so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
