i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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