Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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