My brain says no but my pants say off.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
