Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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