There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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