At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
