Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
