so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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