i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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