Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
