I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
