sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
