we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
