i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
