Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
