Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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