It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
