So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
