Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
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