Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
