Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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