One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
