The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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