My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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