and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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