I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I want to fling myself into the sun
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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