Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
