my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
