I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
