Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
