Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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