I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
