4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
