Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
