You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
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Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
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No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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