i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
