Only a mothe r could love this liver
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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