i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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