i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
