Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
