How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
