This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
