Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
