Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
