what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize