i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
