You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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