I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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